1. It's Friday.
2. I just received a generous income tax refund - thank you, Uncle Sam, for giving me my money back.
3. I just found out that Built To Spill is releasing their first new album in 5 years on April 11, and they're following it with an aggressive 6 week tour that includes two nights at 930, May 8 and 9.

Reading through the list of last night's Grammy winners, I'm reminded of just how meaningless and misguided those awards are.  So U2 won for another album that sounds exactly like every other U2 album.  U2 could do an album of Linda Ronstadt covers and still walk away with a Grammy.  The Black Eyed Peas won for something, indicating that Grammy voters have the worst taste in music, ever.  This revelation was fortified when I saw System of a Down and Slipknot on the winners list.  And then there's Mariah Carey, Kelly Clarkson, Maroon 5, and OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS REALLY OUR BEST MUSIC!!!  Who are these judges?

Ahem.  So moving on to the only category that I really care about, best alternative album.  This award went the The White Stripes' "Get Behind Me Satan."  Now I'm positive that no one who voted for that album has actually listened to the album.  Because there's no way you could vote for that album unless solely based on The White Stripes' past work.  I like The White Stripes and all, but that album sucked serious ass.  Every song sounds like the exact same song, and unfortunately that song is very annoying.  I'm never going to ring your doorbell, Jack.  Never. 

The White Stripes thing annoys me because the Alternative category is one of very few in which music that I like has a shot at winning.  The award definitely should have gone to Death Cab for "Plans," or to Franz Ferdinand for "You Could Have It So Much Better," both of which were nominated.  Those were both solid albums, through and through.

Green Day got some recognition, which I think they deserve.  They went from producing, in my eyes, very mediocre wannabe punk albums to an album, American Idiot, that includes some really great songwriting.  They've come a long way, and I expect good things from them in the future.

And last but not least, the fact that John Szwed won Best Album Notes for "The Complete Library of Congress Recordings by Alan Lomax," well, I think we all know who the real winner should have been.  No?  We don't?  Oh, good, because I didn't even know that was a category.

So there's my recap.  Feel free to chime in and tell me how right I am.

A 6 year old boy in Brockton, Massachusetts was suspended for three days for sexual harassment after he put two fingers inside a classmate's waistband.  Apparently, the Brockton School Committee defines sexual harassment among students, in part¹, as "uninvited physical contact such as touching, hugging, patting or pinching."

Imagine my surprise when I realized that I was repeatedly sexually harassed throughout my entire childhood.  I would certainly consider getting punched on the arm "uninvited physical contact."  Thus, every time we passed a pedidle², I was sexually harassed.  Every time someone saw a VW beetle, I was sexually harassed.  Every time I flinched, I was sexually harassed - twice.    Not to mention the playground, which was a veritable den of sexual harassment.  From sordid games of tag, to disgusting rounds of duck, duck, goose.  I feel dirty just thinking about it.

I mean, really, people.  This is fucking ridiculous.

I wonder, was everyone on the Brockton School Committee homeschooled?  Have they ever been children themselves, or ever actually been in the physical presence of children?  In my day, the elementary school had no formal policy on sexual harassment (among the students anyway).  Instead we had another policy, called "Keep your hands to yourself."  The punishment was usually confinement to a specially designed area called a "time-out zone."  It was a good policy.  It worked well.  Much less harsh than suspension.  Try it out, Brockton School Committee.  Consider it my gift to you. 

1. None of the articles tell us what the other part is
2. Pedidle - (n.) a car with only one working headlight.  Origin: Sniglets

Valentine's Day (read the history here) is fast approaching, and already there are several cynical blog posts circulating bemoaning the traditions associated with the holiday.  I'm a bit puzzled by this because I've never understood the prejudice against the holiday.  It's a celebration of love, is it not?  What's so bad about that?  We all love people, unless you're a sociopath.  I still send my mom a Valentine's card every year. 

I think the major cynicism comes from those who don't have a significant other, and the idea that we're supposed to have one.  But yet, in the 12 years I've had SO's I've spent at least 4/5ths of those Valentine's days with an SO, and every year we treat the holiday with the same cynicism as singles: we don't want to do anything cheesy and it's impossible to get a decent reservation.  So singles, really, those with SO's are just as cynical about it as those without.  So I propose that we just drop the cynicism.  

In that tradition, and the tradition of Festivus, I'm soliciting an airing of grievances.  That is, what's your problem with the holiday?   Let it loose here.  What annoys the fuck out of you about Valentine's day?

I'll go first: the greeting card industry.  They're the major player with something to gain.  We should all send homemade greeting cards.  They're more meaningful, and it sticks it the corporate man.  Hallmark doesn't need anymore money for a piece of paper with a hackneyed emotional gesture. 

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE!!!!!!!!!!!1!!won!!! training new secretaries.  It's not rocket science people.  Copy this, file this, email so-and-so. 

Ok, so I got sick on Friday, missed the happy hour posted below, and spent the entire weekend on my couch not feeling well.  I'm back to normal, but extremely behind at work.  And since I did absolutely nothing this weekend, I have nothing to even post about.  So we'll try this again tomorrow.

In other news, it's strange not drinking the whole weekend.  It's Monday, and amazingly that dull, aching kidney pain is gone.